Listen, these little things called feelings can get you in trouble if you let them. As with many other people, I can be emotional. I can allow my feelings to affect my disposition and hinder my productivity. Baby, let me tell you this past month or so have been an em-o-tion-al roll-er-coast-er (cue Vivian Green). My life is in transition. I've started a new job. I'm living at home with a stroke survivor father and a mother with the generational stubborn trait. I host four shows and do most of my own editing and marketing. And, I'm trying my best to maintain a personal life. On top of that I'm a sensitive Taurus who has a hard time, but has been making an effort at, realizing my way isn't the only way.
To add to it, because I'm a sensitive person, I'm very careful of what I say to others and often don't confront issues out of fear of how the person on the receiving end will react. I'm worn out just writing this. So, I've been a difficult person to interact with to those closest to me of late. I see it in myself and I'm almost like just don't even look at or talk to me because I'm giving very much emo right now. The other day I got so disappointed by someone that it snapped me back to reality. Renee, you are in control.
I had to take the reins on my fluctuating emotions. I can't just be up when everything is up and down because the life I created isn't everything I want it to be. Yes, it's taken me longer than I anticipated to find my thing, but I have found it. No, I may not know the full path to success but I can see the end goal. I have to realize that my right now isn't my forever and take the necessary steps to accomplish my dreams. I have to set boundaries, budgets, and breakdowns of what I want and need. I have to give 100% today so that I can have a better tomorrow.
And the hardest part of all, I have to listen when God speaks. It's so easy to hear and let your desire shift you in the opposite direction. Been there, done that, flopped every time. But when you can listen and respond accordingly, devastated and all, you have growneddd up (intentionally spelled incorrectly).
At this stage of my life, I am learning to fight through my feelings. This is a skill I never thought I'd achieve. I've been succumbing to feelings for as long as I can remember, allowing them to debilitate and even halt my growth. But I'm finally at a place where I will work with a bad mood, fighting back tears and as hard as it is I feel pretty damn proud.
I try to remind myself of the hardships people are dealing with and how verryyyyy blessed I am to have the problems that I have. Some people don't even have the privilege of having a job they aren't necessarily in love with or having family members who they don't always agree with or trying to navigate relationships and friendships that aren't going the way you'd hope. Some would say sign me up for those type of issues.
But I recognize that my feelings are my feelings and they are valid. Therapy is definitely something I'm considering because opening up to those close to me often leaves me feeling vulnerable and uneasy. Sometimes it's hard to articulate what you are really experiencing and because they have a certain perception of you, they may not fully comprehend what you are saying the way you'd like them to. But for now, I'm diving into my work because if there's anything I can change, it is my effort. I find confidence in my fruitfulness and it's time to pick some apples (I'm corny and I've accepted it).
What are you doing to fight the blues? How have you overcome growing pains? Share in the comments and I'll chime in.
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